By Ali Ansari
It’s natural. We all take stress; sometimes positive but mostly negative. It’s because things don’t go to plan, or we don’t understand what’s going to happen, or we haven’t worked out how to handle a situation.
Whether it’s planning for a baby or a new business, breaking bad news to your boss, or simply dealing with a health issue, avoiding stress is impossible. But you can deal with it effectively, so it doesn’t impact your life, your health, or your mood.
Understanding What Drives Stress
In my experience, stress boils down to three main drivers.
Things going against expectation. You expected the deal to close, but it fell through. You thought your health checkup would be routine, but the doctor found something concerning. The bigger the gap between expectation and reality, the more stress you feel. And not all stress is equal. Missing a train is annoying. Getting a red alert on a medical report is terrifying. The stakes determine how much it weighs on you.
Unfamiliar territory. When you don’t have a reference point; starting a new job, navigating a health crisis, becoming a parent, you don’t know what’s normal or who to trust. This is why first-time founders stress more than serial entrepreneurs. The stress isn’t just the situation itself, it’s not knowing what you don’t know.
Lack of clarity on the way forward. This is perhaps the most paralyzing. You know something needs to be done, but you don’t know what. Should you confront your business partner or let it slide? Take the new job or stay put? Sometimes there are too many options. Sometimes there are none. And everyone expects answers from you when you’re thinking, “I don’t know either.”
You know you are stressed when…
Your body sends signals. You’re sleeping poorly. Your jaw is clenched, shoulders tight. You’re snapping at people or you’ve gone quiet. Small tasks feel overwhelming. You’re procrastinating. You are not eating or eating too much. You can’t focus, your mind jumps from worry to worry.
Here’s something important: being aware of stress matters. When a friend asks, “All OK? You look stressed,” don’t dismiss it. If they can see it, it’s there. Acknowledge it.
Here are a few things that work for me, when I know I am stressed out:
Reduce Noise
A few hours out of your life won’t change anything. One way to control or manage anything is to slow things down so you can identify the issues from noise. Do something purely therapeutic; go to the golf range, get the gardening tools out, hit the gym or go on a long drive …anything where you’re with yourself and doing something mildly enjoyable. While you’re physically active, the brain starts to slow down. The noise settles, you gain clarity and understand what’s causing the stress.
Don’t make a decision
Making fast decisions is a superpower, but so is sitting on them when there’s too much risk or the choices aren’t clear. Things settle with time. Choices present themselves with clarity when you hold back.
I used to get frustrated when my wife would put away a decision. She’d say, “I’m not ready to make a choice.” Now I know; we don’t owe anyone an answer if we don’t have it. It’s okay to take your time. Clearly frustrating if you’re standing at the aisle in Waitrose and can’t get an answer on what shampoo to buy, but for decisions that matter? Take your time.
Attempt to work the problem
Once you have stability and time, work it out…not necessarily alone. Talk to your team, friends, or family. Get advice, research options, find a way. Sometimes that way is simply accepting nothing can be done. Break the problem down. Write it out. Focus on what’s within your power to change. Even if the conclusion is “I need to accept this,” it reduces the weight of uncertainty.
Vent it out
Sometimes you just need to share your feelings and let go of the fear, shame, or negativity weighing on you. This is when you need a small but strong network of people who won’t judge you or exploit your vulnerability.
I have my top three venting partners. I usually find one available to share my thoughts. All they do is listen and play back my own thoughts, which is incredibly useful in gaining clarity. Sometimes it’s just a way to take out excess negative energy.
Power through the to-do list
I learned this from my mom. When I’m stressed, I make a list, prioritize what’s important, what’s urgent, and power through it. It’s amazing how your mood changes when you accomplish things. I stop responding to WhatsApps, don’t check social media, or meet with friends until I’ve struck off at least three tasks from my urgent or important list.
Once you’ve reduced stress to a manageable level, this is where discipline kicks in. You’ve slowed down, avoided rash decisions, worked the problem, vented, now it’s time to act. Focus on what truly matters. Cross things off. Momentum builds confidence, and confidence reduces stress.
Absence from a party or deferring to watch the new episode won’t kill you. But not managing stress will make your life miserable.
Prioritize yourself. Without you, there is nothing.
Stress is part of life, but it doesn’t have to control your life. Find what helps you stabilize, gain clarity, and move forward.
